i'm really not dealing well with this invasion of my privacy and space back home. i don't like it one bit. i love my family to bits, but i really think we're a happier family apart. i feel like i'm going insane -.- so much for the peace. i'm super used to being liable to no one that i can't deal with having dinner times, having to fight for cable with my mum and all that shit. gahh. i think the only time i get some peace is when i'm out with my friends or alone driving. i'm really trying bloody hard not to be ungrateful, but this is killing me.
ellen toh. ellen toh. ellen toh. i was just talking today to jeremy, and i realised as i was talking, there are some times that i say something, then i stop and realise, god that's ellen, not wan jun. there are some parts of ellen that i love. and want to hold on to. that headstrong-ness (well not like i wasn't headstrong to begin with), the cool calm collected attitude, the aloofness, the masks, the layers (like i said before, i need to learn how to protect myself better. i'm just too open sometimes, to the point i'm vulnerable), that belief in myself. i'm rambling. i haven't read finish jointly & severably yet. its like i can't quite bear for it to end. shrugs. 1314222425.
i resist the urge every day, ever night. to let myself slip into oblivion. an oblivion that i so crave, but cannot and should not have.
i said many time before i felt so claustrophobic in singapore. but driving today, sitting here now by my window. i realise that the skies are so wide and open here in spore. i can look out and see the sky all around me. but in london you only get this little sliver between the buildings. and as much as i love the skies, clouds and stars, and can spend hours on end staring at them. i feel like i can breathe more easily in london, even though its more polluted, more closed up than here. its the whole mentality thing larh. shrugs. but for now, while i'm back, i'm happy to be staring at the open skies (: just letting the world go by.
i feel the disparity more glaringly each time we meet.
: best i ever had :: vertical horizon :
ellen toh. ellen toh. ellen toh. i was just talking today to jeremy, and i realised as i was talking, there are some times that i say something, then i stop and realise, god that's ellen, not wan jun. there are some parts of ellen that i love. and want to hold on to. that headstrong-ness (well not like i wasn't headstrong to begin with), the cool calm collected attitude, the aloofness, the masks, the layers (like i said before, i need to learn how to protect myself better. i'm just too open sometimes, to the point i'm vulnerable), that belief in myself. i'm rambling. i haven't read finish jointly & severably yet. its like i can't quite bear for it to end. shrugs. 1314222425.
i resist the urge every day, ever night. to let myself slip into oblivion. an oblivion that i so crave, but cannot and should not have.
i said many time before i felt so claustrophobic in singapore. but driving today, sitting here now by my window. i realise that the skies are so wide and open here in spore. i can look out and see the sky all around me. but in london you only get this little sliver between the buildings. and as much as i love the skies, clouds and stars, and can spend hours on end staring at them. i feel like i can breathe more easily in london, even though its more polluted, more closed up than here. its the whole mentality thing larh. shrugs. but for now, while i'm back, i'm happy to be staring at the open skies (: just letting the world go by.
i feel the disparity more glaringly each time we meet.
: best i ever had :: vertical horizon :
good luck and good night. 7:03 PM
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